A lot of adults are living in sexless marriages. Data from nationally representative US surveys indicate that around 7 percent of married adults haven’t had sex in the past year, while 4 percent haven’t had sex in the past five years. If you factor in couples who engage in sexual activity on a very infrequent basis, the numbers are even higher (14–15 percent).
Despite the fact that as many as one in seven marriages feature little to no sex, surprisingly little research exists on this topic. So why does sexual activity sometimes disappear in relationships, and how does this affect the partners? Also, why do so many people remain in sexless marriages when, by and large, these experiences tend to be highly distressing?
In a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers recruited 77 people online who were involved in either a married or long-term relationship in which they desired sexual contact with their partner but were unable to maintain a consistent sex life for a period of at least six months (note that while all participants in this study were heterosexual, sexless marriages and relationships definitely exist among same-sex couples, too).
All of the participants were “involuntarily celibate,” meaning they wanted sex but weren’t having it. Participants were about evenly divided between men and women, and they ranged in age from 18 to 65 years, with most being in their late 30s to early 40s. All participants completed a survey in which they were asked about the circumstances surrounding their lack of sexual activity and the effects it has had on them and their relationship.
Why Sex Sometimes Disappears
The most commonly reported factors contributing to the sexual decline were their partner’s lack of desire for sex (for some this meant a lack of desire for sex in general, while for others it meant a lack of interest in sex specifically with one’s spouse), relationship problems, sexual dysfunctions (such as erectile difficulties), physical appearance concerns, addictions and illnesses, and/or infidelity.
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