Is your kid lazy? Only boring people get bored, the saying goes. But the reality is that boredom is “normal, natural and healthy,” said Dr. Westgate, whose research focuses on what boredom is, why people experience it and what happens when they do. Though she cautioned that there has been little empirical research exploring boredom in kids, Dr. Westgate believes that in moderate doses, boredom can offer a valuable learning opportunity, spurring creativity and problem solving and motivating children to seek out activities that feel meaningful to them.
“Guarding kids from ever feeling bored is misguided in the same way that guarding kids from ever feeling sad, or ever feeling frustrated, or ever feeling angry is misguided,” she said. Here’s what you and your children can learn from feelings of boredom.
Boredom is informative.
Boredom is an emotion, said Dr. Westgate, who liked it to an indicator light on a car’s dashboard: “Boredom is telling you that what you’re doing right now isn’t working.” Usually that means the task you are doing is too easy or too difficult, she said, or that it lacks meaning.
One way parents can help children, particularly younger ones, learn to manage boredom is to work with them on developing what Dr. Westgate called greater emotional granularity. For instance, you can help them to distinguish between feeling sad or bored. “Name it to tame it,” a phrase coined by psychiatrist Dan Siegel, is a technique many child development experts use to help children identify their feelings.
Kids will often say “I’m bored” when they are lonely, or want attention, said Katie Hurley, who holds a doctorate in social work and is the author of “The Happy Kid Handbook.” So it can help to ask if they are looking for comfort or companionship, she said.
Boredom can lead to fulfillment.
Boredom offers children an opportunity to experiment with the kinds of pursuits that feel fulfilling and interesting to them, Dr. Westgate said.
For example, if you let your kids loose in the backyard, they may feel bored initially, she said. But they can learn to prevent that feeling, or resolve it, by finding activities that feel meaningful to them, whether that’s counting bugs, playing with a ball or drawing with sidewalk chalk. If parents don’t allow for free, imaginative play, children may never discover their innate love of nature, sports or art, or even the pleasure they can find in simply relaxing or playing. “Being able to identify and develop those sources of meaning is a really critical skill to have lifelong,” Dr. Westgate said.
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