The foundation for verbal abuse in an adult-on-adult relationship is an imbalance of power; one person has it and is highly motivated to keep it and continue to control the relationship.
It’s important to remember that verbal abuse—whether it’s of the overt or covert variety—is highly motivated and goal-oriented as well as consistent, despite the fact there will likely be so-called “honeymoon” periods where the amount of abuse decreases or stops entirely.
While the person who is the target of the verbal abuse will likely believe that the respite reflects a change of heart on the abuser’s part, the sad truth is that it’s usually a tactic to keep the target emotionally confused and hopeful and, most important, fully Committed to staying in the relationship.
While a healthy and satisfying adult relationship would be based on a partnership model, in verbally abusive relationships, one person seeks to maintain control. That’s made possible by certain factors such as these:
-One person has a greater emotional investment in the relationship than the other.
-The abuser exploits what he or she knows about the target’s insecurities and self-doubts to control her him or her.
-One person has greater financial resources than the other or the target is financially dependent on the abuser; Each affects both the decision to stay or to leave.
-The abuser and the target have children and the target is concerned that any action of her / his part of her will involve the abuser’s retaliation and that the children will be hurt emotionally or psychologically.
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