What You Can Learn About Yourself From Your Past Lovers

Report Issue

Please complete the required fields.

Your Name

Email

Reason (required)
This post contains broken linksPost has incorrect informationPost has spamCopyright IssueOther

Description

Submit

Have you had a passionate love affair that ultimately ended, but the memories of which continue to stay with you? It doesn’t take much for those recollections to penetrate your consciousness, as hard as you may try. Yet, you’ve moved on and now are in a relationship that is both stable and secure. So why can’t you stop thinking about your ex? And doesn’t this spell trouble because you can’t?

According to a recent study by University of Kansas psychologist Ting Ai and colleagues (2022), there may be a surprising value to allowing those memories to drift upward into your daily thoughts: “Meaningful memories about an ex-partner can serve a variety of functions and could potentially benefit people’s current lives” (p. 15). Maybe a bit of nostalgia about your ex isn’t so bad after all.

Nostalgia’s Possible Functions
Defining nostalgia as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection toward a past time, event, or a person” (p. 15), the Kansas researchers propose that memories about your ex could potentially inform the way you relate to your current romantic partner. When you think about it, this could make sense.

There must have been something about that ex that attracted you to them, and maybe this is still driving your feelings toward your partner now. You also might have gained some important insights about yourself and the relationships that stick with you today.