A survey by the National Retail Foundation in May found that 76 percent of Americans plan to celebrate Father’s Day this year. It’s the fourth most popular holiday for sending cards, according to Hallmark, with 72 million exchanged annually. But for many people, the slew of ads, emails and social media posts surrounding Father’s Day can trigger painful feelings.
“These holidays can almost be like time machines,” said Rebecca Soffer, co-founder of the Modern Loss community and author of “The Modern Loss Handbook.” If you’re grieving someone, remembering past Father’s Days may conjure “a state of wistfulness or longing,” she said, even if the relationship wasn’t harmonious.
For those dealing with infertility or stillbirth, the day can prompt distressing thoughts “about what could have been or what may never be.” If you’re dreading Father’s Day — or any holiday or anniversary you find hard — you’re not alone. And while there’s no guaranteed solution to getting through the day, there are some things you can do to take the sting out of it.
Control what you’re seeing. You can’t dodge every ad pushing a hypothetical gift for a hypothetical dad. But in recent years, many companies have wised up to the fact that “Father’s Day and Mother’s Day look different for everyone and can bring up a range of emotions,” said Morgan Kois, director of brand marketing for Artifact Uprising, a photo printing site . This year, the company offered email subscribers the option to skip communications during those holidays. So far, around 1,000 people have taken them up on it.
Go in with a plan.
In the week leading up to the holiday, make sure you’re getting ample sleep and exercise, said grief expert and therapist Claire Bidwell Smith. “When we’re in a good physical state, we can better regulate our emotions,” she said. Research has shown that poor sleep can take a toll on your mind and body and that exercise can improve mental well-being.
Think carefully about how you want to spend the day, Ms. Soffer said. “Do you want to be invited to something, or would that be too hard?” If your friends will be busy with their own families on Sunday, “ask if you can hang out on Saturday so you still feel like you have a support system.”
Whatever you feel is OK.
On a sensitive holiday, you can — and likely will — feel multiple emotions, Ms. Bidwell Smith said. “You can celebrate and feel joyful, but you can also feel angry, hurt, grieving, betrayed. You don’t just have to pick one. Let yourself feel all of it.” Know also that you won’t necessarily feel the same way from year to year. “It’s sad to say, but it gets better,” Mr. James said. “It may not go away, but you learn to see these days coming.”
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